One of the ironies about motherhood is that no matter how ready you believe you are, you end up discovering that you are far from ready. Personally, I believed I was ready. I always loved children. I read a considerable amount of parenting books and got everything I though I needed. Only to discover, that between every unpronounced “What the hell?!”, I was wondering: Why is it so hard? What if I didn’t feel prepared?
I got a glimpse of how it is actually like when you don’t feel ready every time I read the humorous Facebook statuses of a new mother who was sharing her daily struggles.
Nora Labib, found her new journey as a mother to be quite challenging. (Honestly, who didn’t !? ). In fact, she never liked children, and she used to move willingly as far as possible from public places that have kids. “I’m more attracted to dogs”, she explained because she believed that kids are ‘manipulative needy little creatures’. When she got pregnant, her beliefs, emotions and thoughts were against the idea. Giving up her freedom and energy wasn’t something she wished for. But the maternal instinct was louder than her thoughts and she felt that her body wanted the baby. “All the organs wanted to perform their full functions. My main struggle was, should I listen to my body or to my mind, and my body obviously won”, she added.
Once the baby arrived, it felt surreal for Nora. “When I first saw him I was high as a kite from all the drugs they gave me for delivery and I said congratulations you made it to this life and welcome to the world” she described as she recalled the first moments. “Now, I constantly feel like he is my responsibility, I like him when he is nice and I get mad at him when he is annoying. I speak to him like he is a person who understands what I’m saying and I believe that he knows everything… And I’m forced to play him music to suit his mood and entertain him and I take him out dancing and socializing by the way. I feel very protective over him, I’m very very vicious when anything or anyone approaches in danger”, added Nora.
Blessed with the support of a loving and caring partner, Nora is discovering and getting used to her new life as a mom. And honestly I truly admire how true she is to herself when she expresses her daily struggles and how brave she is to share the ugly truth unapologetically. Let’s take a look at her statuses as a new mother (don’t miss the hashtags plz):
October 4th (2 days before her son was born) :
I think delivery people should wear costumes that represent their brand. Like KFC should wear a chicken costume, fish restaurants should wear a sea food costume like a lobster or a crab or a fisherman. Induce some fun in the process.
October 6th is the day her lovely son was born.
Truth about giving birth:
1. No you will not forget the pain you felt! Not now, not when you see your baby not ever.
2. My heart did not melt when I saw my baby, honestly I thought how the fuck did this come out of me and I greeted him and said hello and welcome.
3.I felt sorry for him being traumatised rather than ooh my god he is the best thing I’ve ever seen. I like him though, he is cool.
4. Pain is a process that starts with the body contracting and opening to spit out the new creature and then closing and contracting also to get back into it’s individuality. In a nut shell your whole body aches before, during and after. For days and weeks, just to add.
5. Drugs they give you during delivery feel a bit like ecstasy pills in big doses all at once, so basically one is as high as a kite while experiencing this.
6. I don’t feel like I’m a mother, I feel like this new person is my friend and he is very small he needs help.
7. I feel/believe/think that people are born with their characters through vessels (like me) (So I feel somehow abused) we are all yet to discover them together, including the baby’s self discovery.
8. New discoveries about my body are happening everyday of this process, it’s interesting yet painful.
9. Breast feeding is a bitch, ouch ouch ouch ouch and many WTFs and weird faces are made. It hurts beyond my comprehension, I’m afraid it will ruin any good memory of pleasure ever associated with this part of the body.
I try to talk my son into loving me for who I am, that I’m not just a milk provider!
#lovemetender #mothersucker #im_not_just_a_pretty_face #freud_was_right #conditionallove
Babies are such drama queens and they exaggerate in their reactions to everything. They have a drug addict behaviour. So much screaming and crying demanding entertainment or a diaper change. Such little shits!
#milkanonymous #cry_for_me_argentina #bossbaby #titts_now #babydiva #usecondoms
I will never call my lover “baby” again! Now I know what it really means.
#abuse #cry_me_a_river #my_tits_dont_lie #theKidisnotMySon #demanding
Babies are weapons of mom-destruction!
#WMD #my_body_hurts #fuckmylife
Just so I’m not so negative, I’ll say the good things about having a baby:
1. Major detox. You eat very well, take all your vitamins and supplements, for a good cause.
2. You stay sober for so much longer than you thought you could.
3. You have so much more energy, yet way more tasks to finish. So you end up with lots of energy lost on stupid repetitive tasks.
4. If you’ve lost your appetite to party, you’ll gain it back and will re appriceate the night life and how lovely and superficial it is.
5. You live a healthy lifestyle without trying, you find yourself dead asleep by 9 since pregnancy till birth, then you sleep whenever you can. You excersise regularly and you become easily disciplined. Your body as a woman is fully utilized, all the organs are fully functioning.
6. You love and appreciate your dogs so much more and thank them for being mature, loving and understanding.
7. Now you really know the value of energy and time. You allocate them better, promise yourself a more productive future if only the baby stops being so demanding.
8. You learn baby language and self control.
9. You happily enjoy having sex with protection. Long live the condom.
10. If you make it through pregnancy, birth, first few months with your partner, you will either love them so much more or become like siblings. Both options help you decide on the next phase of your life.
#usecondoms #lovedogs #selfControlIsAVirtue #lovethypartner #lovetoparty #lovelovelove #positivevibes
Sultan my son finally learned his fifth S. He used to only do 4 S’s.
now he has become grateful and started to SMILE!
#babysteps #humblegoals #suckmylife #manipulation #smile #grumpybaby
Happy birthday to me! I’m 34 and I feel much younger, I think it’s related to having a baby, it regenerates your body. Not that i have much time or freedom to do anything with my newly acquired youth.
Thanks friends for your wishes, please keep them coming all year. Also gifts would be nice, I love gifts and I love you all.
#gettingyounger #moreyearsmoretears #suckmylife #ilovegifts
The annoying thing about being a mum, or at least the launch of motherhood is the following. It reduces the woman so much from her potential and all her accomplishment in life until this needy person was born. Suddenly this woman, a doctor, a journalist, a dancer or a scientist becomes a slave to this milk addict. All her time and energy is sucked, literally, into redundant cycle of breast feeding, diaper changing, putting to sleep, comforting…which all could be done by anybody who isn’t necessarily qualified to do anything. This complex being, that has interest, fortune or success becomes only machine that does repetitive stupid tasks. Now some may think that there’s meditation in that cycle or that it’s humbling, but I think it’s pure annoying
PS: I do like the baby, he is nice when he doesn’t cry.
#killmyskill #graceisgone #conditionallove #borntobewild
#eatmytime #suckmylife #elegancegone #nomoreglam
The question remains, when he sleeps, do I rest or play or work or shower or enjoy the silence??? Should I relax and let the anxiety be do I watch my life pass me by? or should i force myself to have fun and enjoy my life and then die of how tired i am when he starts to cry the next cycle….
#existentialcrisis #lifesucker #lifegoals #sleep_when_you_die #holidaymood #celebrateTopless
Benefits of having a baby…your hair will shine, so will your smile once he smiles at you…but no he will take the second away so fast so you don’t enjoy your life.
#suckMyLife #loveMeTender #WMD #hairShineforYourself #loveYourHairAlone
How do i make my milk addict sleep all night?
#milkananymous #addition #cry_me_a_river #titsdontlie #winthewar
Crying babies should be added to the list of torturing methods! Right up there with pulling out nails and those juicy things.
#myBleedingEars #torture #FBI #CIA #struggleIsReal
Sometimes a little humor makes struggles more tolerable. Our hearts go to every struggling mom out there.